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So I'll do it.

Have you ever had this feeling in your gut, heart, head (where ever you feel things) that you've tried to shake but couldn't? 

Well I had it, for a long time. Here's a tiny history

I love to create, I went to 2 years of college studying art specifically ceramics. Then went to Cosmetology school and have worked as a hairstylist for 11 years. Having a creative outlet makes my brain sore and my soul feel full filled. 

So the feeling. It hit me every stinking spring when I'd try on swimming suits and I forgot to diet all winter. Before babies I could find things here and there that were fine. But after my first baby Teagan was born, 4 weeks before our summer beach trip. I had no idea what this body was like anymore and then trying to find a suit, it was really hard. 

2 more kids, more beaches, swimming moments, more of that unshakeable feeling. ENOUGH! I'm doing it, I'm designing my own suits. I'm starting my own business and the world is going to thank me because something has got to CHANGE. But I didn't know ONE thing about this so JUST KIDDING. Who am I to tackle this crazy adventure. I piled all my thoughts of inadequacy up and let them dictate me, and I stopped! I quit sewing prototypes, going to thrift stores and buying swimming suits to piece together, and believing that I could do this. I really can't sew, I really am not a designer, and I definitely couldn't run a business. 

Then I went to this conference, yes the kind where you dance and cheer with thousands of other people and share your hopes, dreams, and tears. It was cheesy, over produced, and darn it, effective. OK mom you were right I needed this and THANK YOU! I talked about my dreams as if they were a reality and it felt good, really really good. I, out loud, said I was a swimming suit designer. I, out loud, said I knew how to get things manufactured and INSIDE I started to believe it. I realized over that weekend that I was tired of letting my inadequacies make my decisions. I wanted my DREAMS to win out.

So I came home and got to work! It was January, meaning I had tons of time to learn how to sew swimming suits,  come up with my designs, find a pattern maker, find a manufacturer, get money to do all this and learn all the terminology. Sourcing? Marking? Grading? I knew I wouldn't get it done for the spring release. I was practical, but getting every thing done, yes, Summer that was on my vision board it was happening. Months of mothering, sewing, repeat, and I had it, my design was ready. I hastily sent it to San Diego with hopes that he would read my mind and make my dreams come true... He didn't get it and said come back when you've got things figured out.

Found a new process tried a new manufacturer, we were in April, still time for a summer release. She sucked and I spent a lot of money on the suckiest (excuse my language) swimming suit. I was devastated. 

Summer was here and I was living in the shadow of my completely unrealistic expectations. I had to give myself a break and focus on other things for a while.

Then I saw a girl walking on the beach in a cute romper, and I wanted one. But, I wanted one to swim in, and finally have the suit that I can feel cute and sporty in. So the fire was reignited inside of me. It was as if my Swimming Romper took on a life of it's own and pushed me along. I had a new purpose, a realistic time line, and a feeling of elation that still resonates with me. 

I spent months developing it, and it happened. I wore my own sewn Swim Romper in Florida on our family trip and knew this was it! This was worth all the heart ache all the ups and downs all the hours of time I'd put in. I was ready to send this out into the world and meekly see what happens.

I found the most lovely manufacturer in Los Angeles that has taken on my crazy ideas, great demands for fine details and holds my hand when I expect things sewn and shipped on a quick turn around. My husband commented that I have reached all my original goals. And he's so right, I did it! Now I'm so excited to set new goals. Goals that scare me and get me all tingly excited inside. My 3 girls have seen waves of emotions from me and I'm happy they can witness the reality of hard work and perseverance. 

I never lost focus of what I wanted and still don't. I had to keep my dream alive when it seemed like it was never going to happen. I asked God if I could take this journey when I first started, because I don't take lightly my role as a mother and I didn't want that to suffer. He blessed me with my girls and now with guidance that has pulled me through this incredible endeavor. So I guess the answer was yes, go for it!

When you direct yourself toward your dream, I truly believe that hours expand, impossible becomes a little more possible, and you see life just a little sweeter.

Hard work never felt more rewarded than when you do what you love. Try it?!